3 Hard Things You Need to Do to Accelerate your Personal Growth
The tougher moments on the self growth journey
Personal growth isn’t easy.
Being committed to consistently changing your character and behavior isn’t simply about developing traits to help you move forward. It also means being committed to making sure there isn’t anything holding you back.
Most of these things seem simple. Most of these things seem obvious. But most of these things are hard. It’s always easy to state exactly what you would do in hypothetical situations. But when hypothetical situations become your reality, suddenly, lines get blurred. Suddenly, it’s not so black and white. Suddenly, you become inextricably bound to the potentially disastrous ramifications of what was once a simple decision.
Personal growth isn’t simply learning new things — it’s being consistent and persistent to do. It means being committed to choosing the right decision, in line with your commitment to add value to yourself and others around you.
Sometimes, it means working on all the crappy things you are or do.
Here are 3 difficult things you need to do, in order to become a better person.
Key Summary (TL/DR):
Admit when you were wrong
Master the art of leaving
Assess your internal toxicity levels
1. Admit when you were wrong
We are living in times where everyone wants to be right. Everyone wants to look smart. Everyone wants to have the upper hand. The problem is, it’s impossible to be right all the time.
Without giving yourself space to be wrong and admit you are wrong, you are building up a wall towards individuals and entire communities you are hellbent on a misunderstanding. Some of our most difficult engagements can be solved by taking the high road and admitting you were wrong.
These types of things seem to be easy for kids. Then we go through this weird process called growing up, and suddenly become adults too prideful to acknowledge our mess-up until it’s too late.
Some of you realize, midway through an argument, that you were wrong. Rather than conceding and using the opportunity to learn from your mistake, you keep pushing. Right up until the relationship you have with that person is in tatters.
Take a step back. Use your mistake as an opportunity to learn, rather than an affront to your intelligence. That’s the space where growth happens.
2. The art of leaving.
Go. Things aren’t working. You need to leave.
It’s easy to say in practice. Yet, it’s hard when you have created conditions for something toxic to stay in your life. Especially when it’s convenient.
You know it’s time to leave your role at work because you are being severely underpaid and mistreated, but you’re afraid that the grass isn’t quite as green on the other side. You’re afraid to put that demanding friendship on pause because you’re afraid of confronting your emotions alone. You’re afraid of taking the steps to leave your partner when your goals are woefully misaligned because you love them.
I remember one of my former romantic relationships was tough to leave because I genuinely loved the guy. It couldn’t work out practically because we were at different headspaces in our lives, wanted different things, and also had to contend with long distance. I’m talking thousands of miles, trans-Atlantic type distance.
It was an amicable parting, but a difficult one at the time. When I look back on it, I am convinced it was the best decision I could’ve made. But, at the time, it hurt a lot.
Finding the courage to leave situations that are no longer conducive to your personal growth is crucial. It demonstrates that, above all, you are committed to becoming the best version of yourself.
3. Assess your internal toxicity levels
Are you of good character? Honestly and truly?
Have you been taking care of yourself — emotionally, spiritually, and mentally? Have you been doing the same for others? Have you been erecting clear boundaries in your relationships or have you frequently overstepped or overshared? Or perhaps have you done the opposite, and erected walls to prevent anyone from getting in?
Frequently assessing your toxicity is a great way to practice self-awareness. You internally identify what ‘good’ and ‘healthy’ looks like to you, and can start actively working towards it.
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Personal growth isn’t as easy as people would have you think. It isn’t all self-help books or summer retreats. It isn’t all worksheets and cool workbooks. Sometimes, it requires you to take a long, hard look at the mirror.
Then, you need to start chipping away at the dead weight preventing your growth. Sometimes personal growth doesn’t look like planting new seeds but removing the weeds in the soil stifling your growth.
It hurts more when you realize you unknowingly planted the weeds.
But it’s always worth it when you pluck them out.
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That’s all from me this week folks. As ever, if you found this useful, feel free to share Optimise Me with a friend.
Let’s all become better humans.
-RK
Extra Resources
Audio:
Visual:
Events:
Building Resilience in an Uncertain World
Book:
To My Sisters: A Guide to Building Lifelong Friendships - Courtney Daniella Boateng and Renée Kapuku
'Sometimes, it's about taking a long hard look in the mirror.' love this part!