The Art of Confidence: the Low Down on Low Self Esteem
Dealing with the reality of low self esteem in the 21st century
Not another tired trope on confidence. It seems that building confidence and self esteem has literally taken the world by storm. Articles, books, shows, trinkets, journals, serious educational courses - the full monty. It’s easy to point the finger at the self-improvement industry and content creators, but I think it’s more indicative of the deep-rooted issues we have as a society, and as individuals.
We are desperately, desperately insecure.
Who can blame us? We are constantly bombarded with reminders of our inadequacies. One only has to open their phone in the morning to feel overwhelmed by the success of peers on LinkedIn, the picturesque bodies of influencers on Instagram, and the manufactured joy touted to us on the likes of TikTok.
It doesn’t stop there - perhaps the next catch up you have with a family member has you wondering if you put on 5 lbs…or 50 lbs. An interaction with your boss has you wondering if you’ll ever be good enough to get that promotion. Or that date you had in the evening was such a nosedive, you wondering if you’ll ever find the one if you don’t feel comfortable putting yourself out there.
These are very real concerns, real insecurities, and real situations that we find ourselves in almost every day. I query again - can you blame us? Can you really blame this generation of people for having confidence issues?
Confidence is an important quality to possess. It is one of the essential prerequisites to living a fulfilling life, taking risks, and prioritising your joy. Without confidence, you open yourself up to feeling happy and validated when others enter the picture. You allow yourself to constantly be swept up by tides and trends at will. Eventually, you allow yourself to wither away completely.
Sounds pretty dramatic, but it’s pretty serious. Confidence is an art intended to add beauty and colour to your life. Here’s the low-down on creating your masterpiece.
Key Summary (TL/DR):
The art of confidence
The roots of low self esteem
Confidence: practical tips
The art of confidence
The funny thing about life? Most of the most fulfilling things we desire are often simple. It’s just that they’re simply hard to be, or hard to do. Being confident is one of those things. In theory, confidence sounds simple. It really just means to have faith in oneself across several spheres - physical, mental, emotional confidence. But practically? It’s pretty hard to enact that faith in yourself…especially when everything and everyone around you is telling you otherwise.
Confidence really is an art. Everyone has the innate talent to be confident, much like an artist. However, whether we get the best of your artwork, can often depend on how much cultivation, education and resourcing is afforded to you. Even some of the greatest painters, sculptors and sketch artists had patrons, support, and materials to help create their greatest work. Your confidence, much like the innate talent of an artist, requires the same level of investment and cultivation.
The roots of low self esteem
Low-self esteem is a reality that many of us face on a daily basis. Our self-esteem may have diminished as a result of various factors:
Traumatic seasons, experiences or events: Our interactions with trauma in any capacity may have led to a reduced sense of self and a lack of confidence. This may have been through experiencing physical, psychological or emotional abuse at the hands of the people who we have been around over the course of our lifetimes.
Social media: As much as the increased connection that social media has afforded us with family, friends and people across the world, it has also given rise to comparison and heightened social pressures to conform to what success ‘looks like’ online.
Social anxiety: Sometimes, there’s a lot of pressure to be accepted in social situations which can give rise to social anxiety. This anxiousness and perceived ‘weakness’ can leave many of us feeling inadequate.
Real and perceived social differences: Whether you come from a marginalised background, or have some form of social difference that has been stigmatised, it can easily fuel the false idea that you aren’t good enough.
Confidence: some practical tips
With all these chips on your shoulder, poor experiences, and constant social reinforcement of your inadequacies, how is it even possible to improve one’s confidence levels?
Commit to tackling your trauma: Unresolved trauma can lead to ongoing struggles with confidence, because you are allowing a past situation to define your present self. Now, not everyone has the privilege of being able to access therapy, but if you can, I’d certainly recommend. I’d also recommend journaling, and spending time articulating how past experiences have impacted the way you perceive yourself today.
Put yourself in uncomfortable situations: Sometimes, it’s necessary to put yourself in the ice bath and take the plunge. Confidence can be born out putting yourself in uncomfortable or challenging situations, because it forces you to rely on yourself in the heat of a moment. I frequently do this with my content, by putting myself out there (including in this newsletter). I also do this with my relationships, by consciously expressing, often, how I feel to my loved ones. I also ensure that I
Invest in yourself on a regular basis: Build yourself up by prioritising yourself. Nothing screams ‘confidence’ by betting on yourself and actively investing in your happiness, health and welfare. Workout regularly. Consume more whole foods. Spend time doing the things that you love. Prioritise learning new skills. Read regularly. Spend time with the people that you love. Above all, invest in you.
Cultivate your circle: Having confident people around you who affirm you and genuinely express their love and care for you? Necessary. Now this isn’t a klaxon call to start dropping out all the people who don’t fulfil this function. Rather, it’s an encouragement to start focusing on the people who do. Who are the people that love you, desire to spend time nurturing you, and who affirm you? Relationships with other people, whether it be platonic, romantic, or familial, can be a source of strength and confidence each day you decide to go out and face the world.
Cultivating confidence is simple - it’s simply hard to enact, and hard to be confident. But it’s simple. There is much merit in mastering the simple.
That’s often where true success lies.
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That’s all from me this week folks. As ever, if you found this useful, feel free to share Optimise Me with a friend.
Let’s all become better humans.
-RK
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