The Power of Giving Up: How to Quit Well
How to leverage the power of letting things go, pivoting, and moving on
It’s not everything that you start, you must finish.
I’m not here to give you license to run away, by the way. Don’t suddenly see this post and think it’s time to drop out of school, break up with your significant other, quit your job, stop exercising. Unless any of these scenarios are costing you your mental, emotional and physical health - this post isn’t about leaving when things are challenging.
Challenges will always come.
This is for the people that have tried, that have given it all they could, that have put genuine effort into making things in their life work. Those of you that have been hanging by a thread, hoping that something or someone will give you the permission to finally leave the situation that has been holding you back for weeks, months, or even years.
Whilst we are starting to become okay with leaving, it still seems to be a taboo in many circles. The idea of quitting, of ‘giving up’ seems like a failure - an indelible mark left on the stain of your life tapestry which cannot be removed, no matter how hard you try.
The older I get, the more I realise that each situation is unique. Your wisdom and strength is not simply shown in how long you stayed, but also in knowing when is the right time to leave.
So, if you know that it is time to quit, here’s how you can do it.
Do Some Soul Searching: Legitimate Reasons to Quit
Do you have a clear idea of why you are leaving? Legitimate reasons to let go of something or someone, must be in line with your values, morals and integrity.
Who are you as a person?
How is the current situation bringing you closer, or further away, from the kind of person you desire to be? Why did you get into that situation in the first place?
Take a romantic relationship, for instance. It’s easy to be blindsided by all the gooey feelings of love and affection in the initial stages. Sometimes, we become so blindsided that instead of heeding the red flags, we paint our face and join the circus. It’s only many months and years later, that we find ourselves with someone who is unyielding, unchanging, and unrepentant. We find ourselves with someone who is bringing out the worst in us, rather than the best. In extreme cases, we find ourselves with individuals with toxic and/or abusive tendencies.
If you find yourself travelling so far from the light you used to be, or if you have noticed repeated toxic behaviour from yourself/ your partner, then that is a legitimate reason enough to call it quits.
Start Mapping Your Next Move
As brave as it is to take a leap of faith, it always helps to be calculated in knowing where you will land. This will cushion the blow. For instance, not everyone has enough resourcing or capacity to quit the job they hate straight away.
💰 You may have to work a few months after you have made the decision, to have a sufficient financial safety blanket.
📝 You may have to consider new roles, or part time roles, which are more aligned to that which you desire.
🏫 You may need to consider online or in-person courses to upskill and pivot into your next big thing.
Quitting well starts with a solid exit strategy. For some, it’s going all in with nothing but faith. For most, it’s been calculated and strategic enough to engineer your next move.
Trust in the Wisdom of a Council of Select Multitudes
There really is wisdom in the council of (select) multitudes. It’s important to ask for the advice of the people around you - people you have journeyed with, people who know you well. Not to say that we are illogical or irrational, but it’s always helpful to have the input of people that care about you when you want to make a decision.
Typically, I like to ask up to 3-4 people when making a major life decision. Up to 2 are usually mentor/parental figures to me, and up to 2 are close friends that are my peers. I’d definitely recommend, if you haven’t already invested in relationships of this kind, to really consider it. The benefit of having a peer give you advice, is they genuinely have love for you and a different vantage point sitting side by side with you.
The benefit of a mentor and/or parental figure, is that they usually have a great developmental perspective, especially if they are more experienced than you.
It also demonstrates that you have gone through the process of weighing out options that may not be so clear to you at first, and you can test articulating your reason for leaving or quitting.
Embrace Starting Again as a Beginner
When you leave, it sometimes feels like starting again. That can be challenging, especially if you were at a senior or more experienced level. You leave a community or area which no longer serves you, and you must embrace being an outsider until you get to know your new peers. You leave a 5 year relationship and find yourself on dates being asked ‘what’s your favourite colour?’ You leave the comfort of being CFO at a company to start your own, only to realise you are the admin assistant, junior designer and product developer at YOU.com.
The lie life often tells us, is that we don’t have the option or opportunity to be a beginner again. If there’s one way you can quickly overcome challenges in life? Embrace that you will be a beginner many times over. Not just when things ‘happen’ to you, but when you pull the trigger to quit and go in a different lane. Life-long learning is a true joy we don’t often get to enjoy. Enjoy being a beginner again - you have the chance to tell a different story.
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It’s time to quit.
Start again, and this time, start how you intend to go on.
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📚 Book: For Such a Time As This - Shani Akilah
“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." - Tori Amos