To Live the Life of Your Dreams, You Need to Say This Simple Word
Can you guess what it is?
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My favourite word in the dictionary is ‘no’.
Simple, but so powerful and effective. You don’t want to be a ‘yes’ kind of person. You want to be a ‘no’ person.
Here’s the thing: accepting is easy to do.
Accepting opportunities is easier than turning them down. Accepting your fate is easier than changing it. Accepting whatever life chucks at you is easier than rebelling.
Today, say no.
Why? The person capable of saying no is a decisive person. The person who says no knows exactly what they want from life. The person who says no knows exactly what they’re trying to prevent from messing things up.
There are three main reasons why many of you are ‘yes’ types of people:
You overestimate your capacity to carry out a particular activity.
You are afraid of closing opportunities even if they’re not for you.
You are afraid of the consequences on the other side of ‘no’.
I had this epiphany pretty recently. I’m a strong generalist and polymath. But sometimes, I use these qualities to prevent myself from doing the hard thing and saying…
…no.
I recently had a few writing opportunities come my way. I was ready to say yes — but then I had a flashback to when I was writing freelance for several organisations concurrently. My life had felt so disjointed because I was desperately taking on clients who didn’t operate in line with my niches or goals. I was accepting lower pay to do work I genuinely did not care for. Reminded of these moments, I politely declined a few of these offers. And the relief I felt resonated within my soul.
Perhaps the reason you are so dissatisfied with your life right now is pretty simple. You’re refusing to say no.
Say no to immediate gratification.
Your immediate gratification will only stall you, not fulfill you.
I’ve had my fair share of offers in the dating scene. I’ve said no to fairly attractive potential partners. A younger version of me, who was insecure and seeking a lot of external validation would’ve said another thing. It’s not a bad thing to want to be seen as attractive, but it’s another thing when you compromise everything else for it.
This could easily translate elsewhere. Maybe you’ve always wondered what it would be like to be more physically fit. But that whole packet of biscuits was oh-so-comforting at the moment that you forget about your long term goal.
Perhaps you’ve always wondered what it would be like to earn more money through a higher-paying job, or from freelancing. But you spend so much of your current monthly paycheque at that job you hate to keep things afloat.
Or maybe you always wanted to write a book. The problem was always consistency — Netflix seemed to always have something great.
Your problem is simple. You don’t know how to say no to instant gratification. If you keep saying yes to what distracts you right now, there will never be a time where your goals will manifest. You won’t wake up one day and find yourself in your dream body, dream job, dream relationship or dream life.
You’ll find yourself still saying yes to the same immediate pleasures over and over again.
Break the cycle today.
Check out my article on habit stacking below, to speed up that process.
⚡️ ACTION: Make a list of your weaknesses when it comes to instant gratifications, and find equal and opposing actions or affirmations to prevent you from giving in to unwanted desires.
Say no to laziness and procrastination.
It’s enough. Say no.
Some of you are so lazy — you’re even tired of your laziness.
Some of you procrastinate so often that there isn’t a day you can remember in which you got everything you wanted to do, done and dusted. You’ve become so desensitized to your lack of productivity that you’ve even co-opted the word ‘self-care’ to describe it instead.
I procrastinate. I’m lazy — often. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, the alarm ringing, and shamelessly hit snooze for the seventh time that morning. But the time always comes when I sit down with myself and reflect upon the fact that I could — and should — be doing better. I have a certain level of output I aspire to, consistently, every day. Who am I to mumble and grumble when I am the sole reason for my sabotage?
You won’t get results until you say no to delay. There’s no excuse apart from the ones you tell yourself. And I get — it’s hard. No-one ever denies that, but I don’t think anyone really acknowledges it. In reality, it’s you that wakes up every morning to face yourself and your sagging body to do at some ungodly hour in the morning or evening.
My only prayer is that when the time comes, you’ll remember this article — and remember to say no.
⚡️ ACTION: Try to implement practical methods to overcome procrastination and laziness, such as reaffirming your vision, and creating cues to spur you into action.
Say no to your immediate reality.
Say no to what is happening right now.
Sometimes we allow our present circumstances to dictate what our future will look like. It’s hard to say yes to possibilities you haven’t seen before. It’s hard to say no to the very real responsibilities calling you day in, and day out. But what you must not compromise is your capacity to see everything you do in the present as integral to building a future — whether you like where it’s currently heading, or not.
Just before I started working out regularly and eating a more balanced diet, I remember getting tired out from walking upstairs. Every single time I had to travel on the London underground, I dreaded switching stations because I was always so tired. On the precipice of committing to regular exercise, I realised if something didn’t change soon, the feeling would only get worse as I got older.
I took baby steps — walking a bit more, eventually incorporating higher-intensity workouts, and decreasing my average caloric intake. And every day, I fought hard to remind myself that the pain I was feeling now would be worth it in the future.
It was. I got to a point where my old workout regimes became my warm-up. I can now walk up several flights of stairs without being winded. I haven’t missed a bus I ran for in months. And it was all due to me saying no to my old present reality, and embracing what I could be doing to shape a new one.
Say no to what your present is telling you about your capabilities.
⚡️ ACTION: Create affirmations and a solid understanding of your future, in order to ensure that your present does not stop you from becoming the best version of yourself.
Say no to what everyone tells you is possible
Sometimes it’s not yourself you need to say no to, but other people.
I’m naturally quite private when it comes to my dreams and aspirations. I’m a crazy dreamer — perhaps that’s part of being a writer, or creative of any sort. Sometimes, the people you have around you aren’t conducive to helping you think positively about your goals.
Mind you, most people don’t mean to be unsupportive. It’s just that most people project a lot of their bandwidth and their capacity to dream and execute not you. When someone speaks over you, they speak through their perspective and what they’ve seen to be possible.
When I was applying for my Master’s degree at Harvard a few years ago, I only told a very small handful of people. And even within that circle, many of them were discouraging — mostly about the finances and how feasible it would be to attend even if I got a place. I refused to listen. I persisted and prayed. I stayed up many nights to research funding opportunities and maxed them all. Until I finally got one — and one was all I needed.
You may need to say no to the people around you right now. If you’ve shared aspirations and been discouraged by the people around you, that’s not your problem. That’s their problem. That reflects their limiting mindset. Not yours.
It’s time to say no.
⚡️ ACTION: Try to limit sharing your journey and goals with people around you that aren’t ready to affirm or support you - focus on the friends and family committed to uplifting you.
—
Part of you might be a little scared at the prospect of saying no. Part of you might be a little relieved because finally, your life is coming into greater alignment.
Your dream life lies on the other side of a word. A simple, but an effective one.
No. That’s it. That’s the word.
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"We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated." — Maya Angelou